I Don't Want to Grow Up: What Should I Do About That?

If you've ever thought to yourself, "I don't want to grow up," then you're not alone. Let's face it: being an adult can feel like a bit of a disappointment compared to what we pictured the future would be like when we were kids. The burden of adult responsibilities and the restrictions imposed by our realities can make being a grown-up downright unappealing compared to the freedom we imagined we'd have.

Back when we had bedtimes, couldn't choose our clothes, and had our meals decided for us by our parents or caregivers, many of us thought that one day, when we were grown up, everything would be better. We imagined a world where we could eat whatever we wanted, stay up all night playing video games, and watch endless television.

What we didn't picture was getting tired in the middle of the afternoon, being bogged down with responsibilities, and having to eat our veggies to keep our bodies healthy. In addition to these daily inconveniences, it doesn't help that reaching many of the milestones of adulthood is more challenging than ever before. For example, buying a house is much more difficult today than it was for previous generations—especially without help from parents.

Reasons Someone Might Not Want to Grow Up

There's no one main reason that any person feels like they don't want to grow up, but there are some commons ones. These are a few examples of why someone may be hesitant to grow up.

A Lack of Good Adult Role Models

Not having solid role models can negatively affect adolescent behavior. By the same token, having good role models can have a positive impact on youth behavior.

And while you might not have realized when you were young that you didn't have solid role models, it still may have affected your view of adulthood in important ways.

Adulting Isn't Always Fun

Even if you have a career you love and are passionate about, work can be challenging—and sometimes it just doesn't feel fun. It can also not feel fun to have to schedule your own appointments, to go to the dentist, to work through therapy, or to be a parent yourself and have to take care of others.

The fact that being a grown-up isn't always the great time we all hoped it would be can make a person feel like they just don't want any part in it. This may seem a little silly to those adults who are very responsible and love it, but it's a valid feeling.

We're programmed to seek new experiences, which in turn makes us happier as people—and being an adult, performing the same duties day in and day out can feel pretty repetitive and mundane.

Being Alone Is Scary

As a child, you're rarely by yourself. Parents or caregivers are who you start and end your day in the company of, and in between that you spend your time in school, which is full of peers and teachers.

As an adult, though, you may find yourself completely solitary, especially if you live alone and don't have a social job that involves working much with other people.

Childhood Trauma

Dealing with abuse, neglect, or other childhood trauma can age you before your time. You might not have had good adult role models, but even if you did, trauma can make growing up feel particularly unappealing.

Undergoing childhood trauma at the hands of adults can lead to confusion about the roles adults have in the lives of children, too. Also, children who experience trauma often feel like adults before they're of legal age, so it makes sense they aren't looking forward to adulthood when they do technically get there.

Aging Is Considered Unattractive

Our society is incredibly youth-focused. Twenty-something actors are often cast as parents to teenagers, who are themselves also twenty-something actors.

News outlets share photos of celebrities getting older in a way that age shames them, as if it was a crime to age.

Fear of Death

A fear of death is called thanatophobia. While it's perfectly normal to have some fear of death or dying, getting preoccupied with the idea can lead you to worry about getting older or growing up.

Everyone will eventually die, but that fact shouldn't affect your life. After all, you're alive right now!

What to Do When You Don't Want to Grow Up

Now that you understand some of the reasons why a person might not want to grow up, let's look at some action steps that might help give you better feelings about being an adult.

Keep Healthy Elements of Youthfulness

There's no rule book that says you have to give up everything about being young. In fact, members of Gen X, who are in their 40s and 50s now, are notorious for not dressing like adults. Many have tattoos, or colored hair, as well.

So, if your hesitancy of growing up is centered around you not being able to express yourself, you should be aware that as an adult, you get to dictate that yourself—and you can be as youthful as you want to be, while still being responsible and mature.

Focus On the Joyful Parts Of Adulthood

Sure, there are certainly difficult parts of growing up, but there are some pretty amazing ones, too. Getting to stay up late talking with a friend, spontaneously going out for ice cream, or taking yourself out to see live music are just a few examples of things adults can do on their own that kids cannot.

By focusing on the positive parts of adulthood rather than just the negative ones, you can reframe your attitude. And once you do, growing up might not seem all that bad after all!

Discover the Beauty of Personal Growth

It may feel safe to be a child, but there is so much to be said for how proud you can feel when you experience self-growth.

The quest to be a better person is an unending one, and it can bring you joy. It can also be incredibly rewarding, because by growing as a person yourself, you can also improve the lives of others.

You can choose to grow in ways that directly affect other people, such as choosing to embark on an anti-racism journey. Or you can begin a gratitude practice, keeping tabs about what in your life you're grateful for. If you aren't sure where to start, you can look at self-help books to decide what path feels right for you.

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When to Be Concerned

Sometimes, the desire to not grow up can also be a sign of a more serious problem. If these feelings are accompanied by other symptoms, for example, it might be a sign of a mental health problem such as depression or anxiety. Signs to look for include:

• Losing interest in things that used to bring you joy
• Not having the energy or motivation to do anything
• Withdrawing from friends and family
• Excess fatigue, changes in appetite, and changes in sleep
• Avoiding people, places, or situations due to feelings of anxiety or fear

If you are experiencing such symptoms, it is important to talk to a doctor or mental health professional about how you are feeling. They can evaluate your symptoms, make a diagnosis, and recommend treatments that can help (which might involve psychotherapy, medication, and/or lifestyle changes).

In some cases, avoiding growing up can take a severe toll on a person's life, relationships, and ability to function. Sometimes referred to as "Peter Pan syndrome," such tendencies can lead to emotional immaturity and excessive dependence on others.

How to Get Help

If you are struggling to deal with the expectations and responsibilities of adulthood, there are things you can do to get help. Talking to a mental health professional is a great place to start.

A therapist can work with you to develop coping skills to help you manage the things you find the most stressful about being a grown-up. Instead of avoiding these tasks, you'll be able to tackle them effectively without feeling overly stressed.

Examples of healthy coping strategies that can help you deal with the challenges of being an adult include:

• Leaning on your social support system
• Practicing mindfulness meditation
• Getting regular exercise
• Utilizing good sleep habits
• Journaling to cope with stress
• Using visualization to picture yourself dealing with challenges
• Developing your time management skills to maintain a regular routine and schedule
• Using conflict-resolution tactics to handle difficulties in your relationships
• Maintaining a sense of humor
• Developing a sense of optimism

Establishing a healthy work-life balance can also be beneficial. Managing the stresses of adulthood is that much harder when it feels like your work life is encroaching on your personal life.

Keep in Mind

Growing up can be incredibly daunting. Know that you aren't alone in having difficulties on this topic, and that there are many different avenues you can take to get yourself on the path of becoming a happy adult.

Doing things that help you feel young, focusing on the joyful aspects of adulthood, and staying on a path of self-discovery can help make being a grown-up more joyful. If you're still struggling, talk to a mental health professional about things you can do to manage the stresses of adult life.