Signs of Emotional Immaturity

Emotional immaturity is the tendency to express emotions without restraint or that are excessive for the situation. Some key characteristics of an emotionally immature person include selfishness and inadequate communication skills. As a result, they may avoid having difficult conversations or they make jokes during serious emotional conflicts.

Read on to learn more about emotional immaturity and the impact it can have on relationships.

What Is Emotional Immaturity?

Emotional immaturity is a person’s inability to regulate their emotions in an age-appropriate way. People who are emotionally immature may overreact to situations or have trouble controlling their emotions.

While emotional immaturity can negatively affect relationships, research has shown that it can also negatively impact a person’s professional development and ability to learn new skills.

Examples of Emotional Immaturity vs. Maturity

There are stark differences between emotional immaturity and emotional maturity.

Emotional maturity is when a person has the skills to react to situations appropriately and can control their emotions. Emotionally mature people behave in an adult-like manner in all situations in which they are dealing with other people.

Some examples of emotional maturity vs. emotional immaturity include:

• Relationships: During a conflict in a relationship, an emotionally mature person will be able to sit down and calmly discuss the issue. An emotionally immature person will likely get defensive about their part in the conflict, deny that they have done anything wrong, or avoid discussing the conflict altogether.
• Professional situations: If an issue arises at work, an emotionally mature person will reflect and accept responsibility for their part in the problem. On the other hand, an emotionally immature person may lose their temper with their coworkers or become angry when they are not praised for something they did correctly.
• Real-world situations: When waiting in line, for example, an emotionally mature person will practice patience or calmly inquire about how much longer the wait is. An emotionally immature person will likely begin to feel frustrated or aggressive and might yell, curse, or leave the situation because they had to wait.

What Are the Signs of Emotional Immaturity?

Emotional immaturity will manifest in different ways. Behavior, thinking, and communication skills are all affected by emotional immaturity.

Behavior 

A person’s behavior is one of the easiest ways to recognize an emotionally immature person.

You may notice that a person’s emotions escalate significantly, similar to how a child would react. They may cry easily, get overly angry, or throw a temper tantrum when they don’t get their way.

Other behavioral signs include:

• Blaming others when things go wrong
• Lying to get out of uncomfortable situations or conversations
• Name-calling during conflicts
• Inability to control one's impulses, such as engaging in reckless behaviors
• Needing to be the center of attention at all times
• Bullying others to get what they want
• Denying their part in a conflict or issue
• Attacking others as a form of defensiveness, or engaging in harmful defense mechanisms, such as alcohol abuse and eating unhealthy food excessively
  

Thinking 

People who are emotionally immature often think of themselves first, assuming that everything around them is an extension of their world. Because of this type of thinking, they rely heavily on receiving only positive attention. They will steer clear of any sort of difficult, negative, or overwhelming situations that may require them to think of how someone else is feeling.

Emotionally immature people exhibit similar characteristics as those with narcissistic personality disorder. Emotional immaturity is considered to be a less severe form of this type of mental health disorder.

People with narcissist traits often believe that they are better than other people and are entitled to special treatment. This is similar to how emotionally immature people think about themselves, though to a lesser degree.

When a person with narcissism doesn’t get what they want or is forced to participate in things that threaten their identity or challenge their behaviors, they may react like an emotionally immature person. This can involve:

• Avoiding a person or situation
• Screaming, yelling, or throwing a temper tantrum
• Suspiciousness or distrust
• Hostility

Communication 

Communication is difficult for people with emotional immaturity. They have difficulty expressing emotions and trouble processing their emotions, leading to further complications when trying to communicate with others.

This inability to communicate beyond positive topics also drives their behaviors in situations where they feel attacked or backed into a corner.

Causes of Emotional Immaturity

Emotional immaturity has a lot to do with a child’s developmental phase. Research has found that a difficult childhood without adequate parental support, or childhood abuse, could cause a person to grow into an emotionally immature adult.

How Does Emotional Immaturity Affect Relationships?

If you are in a relationship with an emotionally immature person, you may have seen and experienced many of the previously mentioned behaviors.

These relationships can be emotionally draining and consistently difficult because issues do not get resolved. You may often end up feeling unhappy, lonely, and unsure about the future of the relationship.  

When to End Things 

In some cases, anger outbursts or other behaviors associated with emotional immaturity can fall under the category of emotional abuse.

For example, if your partner blames you for every conflict that occurs or denies they have ever done anything wrong, this can be considered emotional abuse.

Yelling and screaming when they don’t get their way can also be seen as a form of intimidation, which also falls under the category of emotional abuse.

Other behaviors that can be classified as emotional abuse include:

• Name-calling, which is a form of degradation and verbal assault
• Engaging in reckless behavior, such as cheating on a partner or misusing drugs or alcohol because of a fight (e.g., using this behavior as a form of punishment)
• Bullying to get the other person to give in to their demands or tolerate unwanted behaviors
• Denying things that really occurred

In the instance that these behaviors have escalated to consistent emotional abuse, you should seek help to safely remove yourself from the relationship.

How to Overcome Emotional Immaturity 

While an emotionally immature person can exhibit emotionally abusive patterns, that isn’t always true.

In fact, research has found that developing a more secure attachment style later in life is possible. Having self-awareness and the desire to develop a more secure attachment style can help a person move in that direction.

If you are in a relationship with someone who is emotionally immature, you can:

• Initiate a conversation: Sit down with your partner and express how their behavior affects you. Focus on yourself as opposed to their behaviors. Then they won't feel like it is a personal attack on them.
• Seek professional help: Talking with a trained mental health professional can help you and your partner open up in a safe environment free of judgment. This may also help your partner become more self-aware of their actions and how they affect others. Seeking out a therapist who specializes in emotional immaturity correction might be a place to start.
  

Emotional Maturity

Emotional maturity is a person’s ability to manage their emotions and behaviors in a healthy manner. Emotional maturity helps us resolve conflicts and have satisfying and secure relationships.

Signs of emotional maturity include:

• Having empathy
• Recognizing and sharing feelings
• Being flexible and open-minded
• Maintaining healthy relationships
• Taking responsibility for actions and accepting the consequences of behaviors
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Seeking to resolve conflicts
• Managing stress

Summary

Emotional immaturity is when a person has difficulty controlling their emotions, accepting responsibility for their actions, and coping with difficult situations.

While emotional immaturity isn’t always a sign of a mental health disorder, it has been associated with narcissistic personality disorder and emotionally abusive tendencies. That being said, it is not always the case that an emotionally immature person is either a narcissist or abusive.

To help cope with an emotionally immature person, set healthy boundaries, initiate productive conversations, and seek out professional help. Becoming emotionally mature is possible, but the person has to want to change in order for it to work.