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Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents Paperback – June 1, 2015

by Lindsay C. Gibson (Author)
4.8 4.8 out of 5 stars 22,599 ratings
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If you grew up with an emotionally immature, unavailable, or selfish parent, you may have lingering feelings of anger, loneliness, betrayal, or abandonment. You may recall your childhood as a time when your emotional needs were not met, when your feelings were dismissed, or when you took on adult levels of responsibility in an effort to compensate for your parent’s behavior. These wounds can be healed, and you can move forward in your life.

In this breakthrough book, clinical psychologist Lindsay Gibson exposes the destructive nature of parents who are emotionally immature or unavailable. You will see how these parents create a sense of neglect, and discover ways to heal from the pain and confusion caused by your childhood. By freeing yourself from your parents’ emotional immaturity, you can recover your true nature, control how you react to them, and avoid disappointment. Finally, you’ll learn how to create positive, new relationships so you can build a better life.

Discover the four types of difficult parents:

  • The emotional parent instills feelings of instability and anxiety
  • The driven parent stays busy trying to perfect everything and everyone
  • The passive parent avoids dealing with anything upsetting
  • The rejecting parent is withdrawn, dismissive, and derogatory

 

Previous page
  1. Print length
    216 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    New Harbinger Publications
  4. Publication date
    June 1, 2015
  5. Dimensions
    5.75 x 0.5 x 9 inches
  6. ISBN-10
    1626251703
  7. ISBN-13
    978-1626251700
  8. See all details
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Popular Highlights in this book
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Previous page
  1. Mutual emotional responsiveness is the single most essential ingredient of human relationships.
    Highlighted by 18,883 Kindle readers
  2. People who lacked emotional engagement in childhood, men and women alike, often can’t believe that someone would want to have a relationship with them just because of who they are. They believe that if they want closeness, they must play a role that always puts the other person first.
    Highlighted by 17,405 Kindle readers
  3. Their main sources of anxiety are feeling guilty when they displease others and the fear of being exposed as imposters. Their biggest relationship downfall is being overly self-sacrificing and then becoming resentful of how much they do for others.
    Highlighted by 15,047 Kindle readers
  4. They act as though being a parent exempts them from respecting boundaries or being considerate.
    Highlighted by 14,147 Kindle readers
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From the Publisher

Was your parent difficult, immature, or emotionally unavailable?
These wounds can be healed, and you can move forward in your life
Discover the four types of difficult parents: emotional, drive, passive, and rejecting
"Here you will find sage advice & simple practices that will help you break free from old patterns"
More books by Lindsay C. Gibson, PsyD

Editorial Reviews

Review

“Lindsay C. Gibson, PsyD, gives practical insight into a prevalent problem…The book is impeccably clear…This utter lack of confusion makes the book quite soothing, despite the heavy subject. The soothing effect is amplified by Gibson’s caring, knowledgeable voice—it’s easy to believe her when she says, ‘I wish the very best for you.’ This book can be a source of healing for adult children of these kinds of parents—particularly for young adults. But it’s also insightful for bosses, therapists, friends, and anyone else who works with, cares for, and supports the people described in this book. Gibson’s professional background allows her to anticipate people’s emotions and reticence—and urge them gently forward.”
—Foreword Magazine

“Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents is written with the wisdom and heart of a seasoned therapist and the mind of a scholar who’s spent decades poring over psychological research and theory. In this book, Lindsay C. Gibson seamlessly blends this impressive body of knowledge with the real-life experiences of her clients to create a user-friendly and highly readable book. … This book is not about blame but rather about understanding oneself on a deep level and learning to heal.”
—Esther Lerman Freeman, PsyD, clinical associate professor at the Oregon Health and Science University School of Medicine

“Children cannot choose their parents. Unfortunately, many individuals grow up suffering the life-shaping adversities of having emotionally immature, neglectful parents. With wisdom and compassion, Lindsay C. Gibson enables readers to recognize and better understand these toxic relationships and to create novel, healthy paths of healing. This book provides a powerful opportunity for self-help and is a wonderful resource for therapists to recommend to clients in need.”
—Thomas F. Cash, PhD, Professor Emeritus of psychology at Old Dominion University, and author of The Body Image Workbook

“Lindsay C. Gibson’s insightful book offers the ‘emotionally lonely’ a step-by-step journey toward self-awareness and healing. Gibson’s revealing anecdotes, enlightening exercises, and honest insight lead the reader to a better understanding of how to connect more fully with oneself and others. This is an excellent book for anyone who feels isolated from family members and seeks to enjoy a more emotionally connected life.”
—Peggy Sijswerda, editor and publisher of Tidewater Women (tidewaterwomen.com) and Tidewater Family (tidewaterfamily.com), and author of Still Life with Sierra

“Lindsay C. Gibson’s Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents is an insightful and compassionate guide for anyone seeking to understand and overcome the long-term impact of growing up in an emotionally barren family. Here you will find sage advice and simple practices that will help you break free from old patterns, connect more deeply with yourself and others, and, ultimately, be the person you were always meant to be.”
—Ronald J. Frederick, PhD, psychologist and author of Living Like You Mean It

“Lindsay C. Gibson, a very experienced psychotherapist, wrote Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents to provide guidance to adults for self-help in resolving anxiety, depression, and relationship difficulties that result from having emotionally immature parents. It is a thorough and detailed description of immature parents, children’s experience of their parenting, and methods to resolve the resulting problems. There are many useful examples from Gibson’s psychotherapy clients. The book includes helpful exercises for self-understanding. A person can use the book to develop emotional maturity and deeper relationships.”
—Neill Watson, PhD, research professor and Professor Emeritus of psychology at the College of William and Mary, and clinical psychologist who does research on anxiety, depression, and psychotherapy

“Based on years of reading, research, and working with patients, psychologist Lindsay C. Gibson has written an outstanding book about the multiple ways that emotionally immature parents impact the lives of their adult children. I highly recommend Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents for all readers who want to understand the parent/child dynamic. This is an uplifting book that provides hope and superb coping strategies for those who find it difficult or impossible to bond with parents who lack empathy and sensitivity. … Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents is full of wisdom that will enable you to relate to your family members and friends in the healthiest way possible—no matter what age you are—and possibly even to recognize what’s behind some of the dysfunctional exchanges depicted in the news and in popular culture.”
—Robin Cutler, PhD, historian and author of A Soul on Trial

“Lindsay C. Gibson’s book, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, is filled with clinical vignettes that will resonate with adult children of emotionally immature parents. The book also offers practical advice and exercises for identifying one’s true self and avoiding the pitfalls of self-images, relationships, and fantasies that undermine one’s psychological well-being. Finally, the book provides solid guidelines for interacting with one’s emotionally immature parents in a manner that avoids painful and damaging recreations of the past. Readers will find relief from recognizing that they are not alone and that they are understood by this remarkable clinician.”
—B. A. Winstead, PhD, professor of psychology at Old Dominion University and the Virginia Consortium Program in Clinical Psychology, and coeditor of Psychopathology: Foundations for a Contemporary Understanding, Third Edition

About the Author

Lindsay C. Gibson, PsyD, is a clinical psychologist in private practice who specializes in individual psychotherapy with adult children of emotionally immature parents. She is author of Who You Were Meant to Be and writes a monthly column on well-being for Tidewater Women magazine. In the past she has served as an adjunct assistant professor of graduate psychology for the College of William and Mary, as well as for Old Dominion University. Gibson lives and practices in Virginia Beach, Virginia.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ New Harbinger Publications; 1st edition (June 1, 2015)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 216 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1626251703
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1626251700
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 11.7 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.75 x 0.5 x 9 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.8 4.8 out of 5 stars 22,599 ratings

About the author

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Lindsay C. Gibson

Lindsay C. Gibson

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Lindsay C. Gibson, PsyD, is a clinical psychologist in private practice who specializes in individual psychotherapy with adult children of emotionally immature parents. She is author of Who You Were Meant to Be and writes a monthly column on well-being for Tidewater Women magazine. In the past she has served as an adjunct assistant professor of graduate psychology for the College of William and Mary, as well as for Old Dominion University. Gibson lives and practices in Virginia Beach, Virginia.

Customer reviews

4.8 out of 5 stars
4.8 out of 5
22,599 global ratings
Half through and kinda blown away
5 Stars
Half through and kinda blown away
This has been an eye-opening read and I’m only about three cups of tea through.Most self-improvement-related books are just a few life hacks and inspirational quotes that are chewed up and put back on the page ad nauseam. Instead, I found myself instantly thrown into my subconscious. Each paragraph holds a sweet nugget of truth and with each one, a little more peace and understanding.If you’re ready to heal, I seriously encourage you to add this to your list of books to read along the journey. I’m 5 years in to mine and felt I’d done a lot of understanding and healing and still felt compelled to leave this review, so it’s fair if you don’t want to start with it, but maybe it’ll be worth it and you’ll be 5 years ahead! Who knows?!🤷🏼‍♀️Lastly, pace yourself to protect your energy and be kind to yourself along the way. 🤍
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Top reviews from the United States

George Ohm
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent resource - easy to read and informative
Reviewed in the United States on April 18, 2024
Verified Purchase
Every once and a while you find a book or some music or a movie that feels like it was made for you and this book did that for me. It addressed situations that were present in my upbringing that I hadn't quite seen articulated in such a clear and compassionate way before. The focus is relevant especially being that it's for adult children of immature parents - as the title states - and that really holds true throughout the book. It isn't preachy or too psycho-babbly and really has solid examples and explanations for things that I had previously had difficulty finding the words for. It is succinct enough to really cover its points but not belabor them and has a very friendly tone. I would absolutely buy this book for friends or other family and couldn't recommend it more.
8 people found this helpful
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Nancy Drew
5.0 out of 5 stars Only Read The Introduction Thus Far & I'm Impressed
Reviewed in the United States on April 5, 2024
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Based on the introduction, this book takes an adult child of immature parents on a journey. This journey starts with defining emotional loneliness, explores emotionally immature parents and the relationship problems they cause, describes the type of immature parents and how to identify yours, explains how one loses one's true self as a result of this type of parenting, and then helps a person identify their needs and how to detect emotional maturity, or the lack thereof, in current relationships so that one no longer feels at the mercy of manipulation in interpersonal connections. That sounds like a lot for 198 pages, but I feel that due to the author's clear and succinct writing style, this book will deliver. I'm very excited to finish it!
10 people found this helpful
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SJ
5.0 out of 5 stars Popular for a reason: Very Insightful
Reviewed in the United States on April 8, 2024
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My therapist recommended this book, and I saw it mentioned quite a few times in other mental health forums...I can see why its so popular. It's very insightful and not difficult to read. It's helped me to better understand why it's important to look at what happened in the past as a way to heal and move forward.

I recommend pairing this book with "The Origins of You" by Vienna Pharon.
5 people found this helpful
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Ashi
5.0 out of 5 stars Powerful, must-have for those recovering from emotionally immature and/or narcissistic parents
Reviewed in the United States on April 24, 2024
Verified Purchase
While not a substitute for psychotherapy and other forms of professional/mental health treatment, this book is a must-have for those seeking deeper understanding of their trauma and it's effects on their brain, emotional responses/behaviors, and thinking patterns.

I've known my parents were narcissists and emotionally immature for a few years now, and thought I've read everything I've needed to know on their behavior and the toll it's taken on me: the how's and why's. Nevertheless, some years after what I thought was my near-full recovery, I woke up to the very sudden, unexpected, and traumatic discovery of my deceased cat at my bedside in the middle of the night, who I was much closer to than either of my parents. Less than two weeks later, I welcomed my first child into the world, in which his birth nearly costed us both of our lives. Being a first-time parent reopened wounds that I thought were long-healed, and I found myself unwinding many years of blood and tears that were shed towards my recovery from chronic, long-term narcissistic/emotional abuse.

I picked up therapy again, and out of determination to learn more than I already know, I purchased this book with minimal expectations of learning anything new. To my unexpected discovery, I learned why I actually get JEALOUS when people around me get severly sick: Severe illness was the only time my parents showed actual concern of my emotional needs as a child. I always knew this envy was wrong and was very embarrassed by these unexplanable feelings. Now, I can finally get peace with knowing where this subconcious desire stems from and work on it.

Thank you Dr. Gibson! This was an emotional read all the way to the end. Whenever I find myself regressing I will reference back to this book, and I cannot recommend it enough to those with EIPs.
6 people found this helpful
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nerdmom
4.0 out of 5 stars rational approach to irrational problem
Reviewed in the United States on April 16, 2024
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I liked this book and found it helpful to gain perspective on the problem of an emotionally immature and abusive parent. I found the section on their relationship to time fascinating. The only thing I was left wondering is what is the boundary between emotionally immature and NPD. Is there one? Seems like a lot of overlap but the former sounds nicer.
2 people found this helpful
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N&M
5.0 out of 5 stars So well written
Reviewed in the United States on April 9, 2024
Verified Purchase
This book is amazing for everyone! As an average person I was worried it would be over my head with clinical jumble. It’s so well written and actually enjoyable to read! This book opens your eyes to so much around you. I’m so thankful I started reading this.
2 people found this helpful
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mary lupo
5.0 out of 5 stars Landmark Guide
Reviewed in the United States on April 29, 2024
Verified Purchase
This book was recommended to me and Im glad I took the suggestion. Really sheds light on the topic of EIPs and narc abuse. My only criticism is some of the case studies listed are bland. Overall a great read and very informative. Provides a good background if you have been dealing with these types of people your whole life. IF you want more there's a book called adult survivors of toxic people which continues the journey and gives yo more info on the healing process
One person found this helpful
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MtnMan1963
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent read
Reviewed in the United States on April 18, 2024
Verified Purchase
I found my own way away from my destructive parents years ago, but am still damaged.

My wife is still trapped under her mother, will not consider recognizing it, and thus we are divorcing.

This book gave me clarity and a way to organize and frame my experiences. Thanks Doc.
4 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

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LauraL
5.0 out of 5 stars Excelente libro
Reviewed in Mexico on April 30, 2024
Verified Purchase
Este libro me ayudo muchísimo a comprender cosas que no había podido soltar acerca de mi familia que al final solo me dañaban a mi. Fue el primer libro no literario que leí, pues era escéptica pero afortunadamente lo leí.
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sabhyata
5.0 out of 5 stars Hard hitting on the weak nerves
Reviewed in Canada on April 23, 2024
Verified Purchase
This book is to the point. It not only helps you understand your parents and childhood but also reveals your own nature. My heart was churned inside out in the course of reading this book. And I feel a huge weight has been lifted off of me.
I guess to each their own, and you really have to work towards breaking your old patterns, but this to the point approach will sure make it easier. The book doesn't even leave room for interpretation - but really covers all aspects of one's feelings.
One person found this helpful
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Lucas
5.0 out of 5 stars I absolutely recommend this book!
Reviewed in Brazil on September 8, 2022
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This book has been helping me a lot. I figured out why I’ve always felt like I never had a healthy childhood or a normal teenage life like my other peers. I definitely recommend it.
One person found this helpful
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Amy
5.0 out of 5 stars Sehr Hilfreiches und schön gestaltetes/strukturiertes Buch
Reviewed in Germany on March 2, 2024
Verified Purchase
Produktrezension: "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents"

Das Buch "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" ist ein äußerst hilfreicher Leitfaden für Erwachsene, die in ihrer Kindheit mit emotional unreifen Eltern aufgewachsen sind und mit den Auswirkungen dieser Erfahrungen umgehen möchten.

Der Autor, Lindsay C. Gibson, ist ein erfahrener Therapeut, der auf die Dynamik zwischen Eltern und ihren erwachsenen Kindern spezialisiert ist. In diesem Buch deckt sie verschiedene Arten von emotional unreifen Eltern ab, wie distanzierte, ablehnende oder selbstbezogene Eltern, und bietet Erklärungen und Einsichten darüber, wie diese Verhaltensweisen das Leben ihrer Kinder beeinflussen können.

Ein Hauptvorteil dieses Buches ist die Klarheit und Einfachheit, mit der Gibson komplexe psychologische Konzepte erklärt. Sie verwendet Beispiele aus der realen Welt und Fallstudien, um die Dynamik zwischen Eltern und Kindern zu veranschaulichen und den Lesern dabei zu helfen, ihre eigenen Erfahrungen besser zu verstehen.

Ein weiterer positiver Aspekt des Buches ist die praktische Herangehensweise an die Heilung. Gibson bietet konkrete Strategien und Übungen, die den Lesern helfen sollen, ihre emotionalen Wunden zu heilen und gesunde Beziehungen aufzubauen. Sie ermutigt die Leser auch, sich selbst zu vergeben und Mitgefühl für sich selbst zu entwickeln, während sie den Weg der Heilung beschreiten.

Das Buch ist gut strukturiert und leicht zu lesen. Gibson verwendet eine klare und zugängliche Sprache, die es auch Personen ohne psychologischen Hintergrund ermöglicht, die Konzepte und Ratschläge zu verstehen. Die Kapitel bauen aufeinander auf und bieten einen klaren Weg zur Heilung, wobei jedes Kapitel spezifische Themen und Herausforderungen behandelt.

Es ist wichtig zu beachten, dass dieses Buch keine schnellen Lösungen oder Wundermittel verspricht. Die Heilung von emotionalen Verletzungen erfordert Zeit, Geduld und Arbeit. Das Buch bietet jedoch einen wertvollen Leitfaden und eine Quelle der Unterstützung für Menschen, die sich mit den Auswirkungen ihrer Kindheit auseinandersetzen und den Weg zur Heilung einschlagen möchten.

Insgesamt kann ich "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" allen empfehlen, die in ihrer Kindheit mit emotional unreifen Eltern aufgewachsen sind und nach Heilung suchen. Das Buch bietet wertvolle Einblicke, praktische Strategien und ein Gefühl der Gemeinschaft für Menschen, die ähnliche Erfahrungen gemacht haben. Es ist ein hilfreicher Begleiter auf dem Weg zur Selbstheilung und zum Aufbau gesunder Beziehungen.
2 people found this helpful
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M A
5.0 out of 5 stars Easy to read and eye opening
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on February 19, 2024
Verified Purchase
Speaking as someone who used to think self help was a airy fairy nonsense I have found this book to be one the best books I've ever read.

There's a lot that reading the right books can do to helped us understand ourselves and the various dynamics and patterns we may feel like we are trapped within.

Good books like this allow for an emerging awareness and understanding that can help forge new paths and somatic understanding if that makes sense

It's clear and well written. There's no guff or language that makes the concepts and ideas seem anything other than relatable and easy to understand.

Highly recommended if you feel like a victim of circumstances and life. It also made me understand a lot about my own behaviours in relationships..
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M A
5.0 out of 5 stars Easy to read and eye opening
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on February 19, 2024
Speaking as someone who used to think self help was a airy fairy nonsense I have found this book to be one the best books I've ever read.

There's a lot that reading the right books can do to helped us understand ourselves and the various dynamics and patterns we may feel like we are trapped within.

Good books like this allow for an emerging awareness and understanding that can help forge new paths and somatic understanding if that makes sense

It's clear and well written. There's no guff or language that makes the concepts and ideas seem anything other than relatable and easy to understand.

Highly recommended if you feel like a victim of circumstances and life. It also made me understand a lot about my own behaviours in relationships..
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9 people found this helpful
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